I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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