I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
