I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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