What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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