he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
