im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
