ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
