i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
