i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
