i permit you to call me
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
