I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
