i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
