The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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