i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
