umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
