I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
