i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You made out with two different species that night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
