Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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