last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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