Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
