I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
