he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize