so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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