This girl is more easily done than said...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
