That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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