It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
