you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
where are my eyebrows?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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