I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Two words: blizzard sex
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
