dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
