You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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