it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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