I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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