Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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