Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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