This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
