mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
