Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
