i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
