I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
