hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
