My brain says no but my pants say off.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
