Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was confusing and full of hummus
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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