i just google imaged poop.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize