...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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