I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
