i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
