Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
