fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
