You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
