You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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