Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
