I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
