he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
