life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
