so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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