also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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