Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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