oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
