I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
