I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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