I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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