His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
