I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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