youre lurking in front of me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
