Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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