oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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