She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
