Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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