A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
