I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Betty ford says i'm here all night
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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