so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
