When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
