im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
